LORELEI
I wallowed in self pity and bitch-hatred for a while. I sat alone at lunch, ignored Joey, and even the giggling girls didn't make me mad. I didn't look up much at all; just kept my eyes to the ground all pissed off.
I put one foot in front of the other, and trudged around like a zombie looking for my own brains in the dirt. Yeah, poor me. Boo fucking hoo.
Fucking Germans stole my bitch.
Then one morning a silky voice spoke my name from behind.
"Veeeeeilllll."
Who the fuck was ordering meat this time of the day? I ignored the voice and walked on. Fuck bitches, I thought to myself.
No, my friend, I wasn't "turning the other cheek."
I was turning nothing at all.
She spoke to me again. "No, ...vait, pleasse."
I sighed and turned around. This is what I saw.
I kid you.
This is sort of how she looked, but with long hair so blonde it was almost white, and deep green eyes.
What, you were expecting a leather jacket?
Nope. She was all "presssentable for de Merikkansss" during sshhkool hours.
Leather was for later. You will see.
I sighed again and replied, "Vat you vant?"
Her eyes hardened for a brief moment, then softened again. She hadn't expected to be made fun of. But she had something to tell me.
"I chust van---," she cleared her throat. "I just whanted to tell you somezing."
I shrugged my shoulders. "OK, shoot."
Her eyebrows raised a bit. Foreign slang is hard to interpret. She said, "I see you looking so sad and it makes me sad too."
I almost told her, "Big deal, who gives a fuck" but I bit my tongue. I just shrugged again.
She looked down at my shoes, then her eyes did a curious thing. They slowly ran up my legs, stopped at my crotch, then up my torso, and into my face.
"I chust vanted to say hi to you. Zat iss all."
She swung around and stormed off.
Weird German bitch. The Germans stole my....
...the way that she had just looked at me made me get hard.
Fuck. I did not need this shit.
But always remember, your penis will betray you. It will wave and say hi to everyone in the room when you just want to blend in with the furniture for a while.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
That afternoon, Joey finally cornered me.
"Weeeeill. Where the fuck you been hiding?"
I glanced up at him then away. "Not now."
Joey just chuckled. "I hate to say I told-"
"Shut the fuck up." I stared at him. I was going to punch him. I needed to punch someone, something. I needed to break shit. Bring it on, Joey.
He backed up. "Dude. Take a chill pill for a second."
Yes, that is how folks talked back then.
"I don't need no fucking chill pill. Fuck off." I unclenched my fists.
"Weeeeill. I just wanted to tell you that one of them German chicks was asking about you. Her name is Lorelei. I wouldn't mind lora-laying her myself." He chuckled at his own joke.
I sighed. "I know about her. She came up to me this morning. So what?"
Joey cocked his head. "You ever wonder how they taste?"
I frowned at him. "Hah?
He went on. "They say that Hawaiian chicks eat so much fruit every day, all the time, that their pussy tastes like coconut."
I let out a small laugh.
He went on again. "The way I figure it, these Kraut chicks must have pussies that taste like beer and sausages. Mmmmmmm." He licked his lips.
Fucking gross bastard.
"Joey, I don't even want to find out. Besides, she might actually taste like apple streusel."
He nodded, grinning. "She's only here for another three weeks. She could help a brother out of his 'well of despair' or whatever those faggy English dudes say."
I looked back down. "Nahhh. Not interested."
Joey said, "Well, Weeeeill, She's definitely interested in you. Strait Up."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw her everywhere, hanging on her new German Boyfriend. They made quite a couple. He towered over her by a good two heads, all blonde and muscular, like Ivan Fucking Drago. I swear he styled his hair after that Rocky flick boxer.
Yes, Ivan and Kabeeatcha ate lunch together on the lawn in the Quad, they snuggled against lockers that weren't theirs, and they left school early each day in her gold car with the gold tinted windows.
Those windows would be steamed up with sauerkraut in a bit.
Since she wasn't working lunch hours at her dad's restaurant those days, it seemed as though she wanted to squeeze every last drop out of the three weeks they had together. She was probably squeezing every drop out of Ivan, you know.
I wasn't a heartless bastard, and that was the problem.
If I was, I wouldn't have cared so much, and I'd be banging away at Lorelei's piano.
But since I was so angry, I decided to take piano lessons anyway.
And this is how I used a young German girl who was saddened by my sadness.
Don't look at me that way. Katheena deserved it.
Even if Lorelei didn't.
++++++++++++++++++++
LINKS.
World of Paper
Cloud pics
Raven finds lost hiker
Haunted shit
Bogeymen from around the world.
Life in other places
Our solar system's coolest planet has a fucking huge ring. Did you know this? Nice.
Forced Perspective
Dick Knob for the inner gay man in you. Bleccch.
Well, thank you for visiting TDC good bud.
Now go continue your last weekend of summer partaying.
God Help You.
God Help Us All.
---willies out.
One more for ya.
Double Rainbow. wow
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