TDC WEAW LORELEI SIX : DANCE
Hi there. Thank you for coming to the Dance. We gonna be here a while baby.
Rjd2, Ghostwriter
My little sisters helped me get ready for the dance. Galen and Spamela were very happy about this.
"You need more hair gel," Galen informed me.
Spamela had her own assessment. "Blow-dry it up sky high!"
Cute little ladies.
I looked in the mirror. Don't laugh; you have done this as well for an auspicious occasion, haven't you. Some of you check yourself though-out the day.
OK, laugh, if you want to. It was the 80's.
The statute of limitations for the 80's has run out.
I thought I looked quite sharp, in a David Bowie sort of way. Iggy would come later, if you catch my drift.
Lorelei expected me to pick her up at 6 PM, in my Celica. Yes, I had to meet the 'rents again, and they would be sure to have cameras at hand.
Back then, you had to use what was known as "film" for your camera, and at the most, you could take 36 pictures. Then you would need to take this "film" and have it "developed" at a parking lot kiosk that would have them ready for you, hard copy on paper, in an hour.
Yes, times have changed.
Anyways, I rolled up to her Exchanged Home at precisely 6:37 PM. Kinda late, ya think? Exchanged Family poured out of the McMansion flashing bulbs like frigging papparazzi.
Lorelei looked fucking hot.
She wore Leather.
Black.
I told you she eventually would wear leather. That short mini skirt on her long legs, and a silvery top that was made out of micro-chain-mail. She looked like a dominatrix, with her chromed-out fishnet nylons, her chrome-spiked jacket, and her white hair, thrown up like a wild fire on the planet Mercury, closest rock to the Sun.
Her lips bled red with the promise of tongue-sucking-kisses and bite marks on the neck.
How those Exchanged Parents let this German chick out that night looking like she did, I would never have guessed.
Lorelei had told them that it was a Punk-Dress-Theme Dance, and when I showed up in my own leather, it sealed the compact for them.
I wish I could get my hands on those pictures (to destroy them), but that family erased me from their own little planet after the dance.
You will see why, my friend.
We were blinded in all the flashes from their cameras and their pose directions:
"OK, Give me pouty. Now sad. Now angry. Yes, angry, more angry, and more cowbell!"
Lorelei hopped in the Celica and I pushed it down the street to jump start it, yelling at her to "Pop the clutch! Pop the clutch NOW!"
I kid you. Nanaboozoo: Nanabush.
I closed her door and ran around to get in the driver's side, making a conscious effort to not screech off and do a few donuts down the street.
We ate at that certain Thai restaurant, and Katheena served us.
Yeah, if only.
No, it was a Messican place, for Lorelei. You have to understand that there are no Messican restaurants in Europe. I don't think they even have refried beans in Spain. Clue me in if I am wrong.
+ + + + + +
Joey met us in front of the cafeteria. You should have seen his eyes.
"Weeeeeeeeeee-ill. Damn." He took me aside. "Holy shit dude."
Then he kissed Lorelei's hand. "So you've met Weee-ill, I see."
Lorelei smirked. "Yah. Veeeee-ill iss my date tonight. Who iss diss, Joey?" She nodded at his date.
Joey coughed. "Oh, 'scuse me. Say hi to Nolei. I hope to correct that."
Nolei punched Joey in the arm and then shook our hands. "Who wants a shot?"
We all whipped out flasks and laughed at each other.
Lorelei said, "Shitzen, it's like the Vile Vest und ve are all whhhhipping out our pistols!"
Joey got a big grin on about that. He elbowed me, whispering, "Yah, ve gunna vip out our pistols, huh?"
Those two chicks were exchanging flasks and tasting what each other had in store.
I winked at him. "Look at how friendly they are with each other."
+ + + + + +
We entered the Cafeteria with our chicks on our arms.
The whole place was done up like we were Under The Sea, not at a Punk-Dress-Dance.
Mermaids and Mermen floated about us, and the Jocks were all aflutter with their sea-foam-tuxes with the arms cut off to show their muscly arms.
Gilbert pointed us out to the rest of them, and they all dropped their jaws.
Then they huddled.
Yes, all of the German girls looked fetching in their own way. Lorelei looked simply beautiful.
Gilbert took the stage.
"Ladies and gentlemen, C.L. MacLane High would like to welcome our new friends to our country. Now this is a song for you to dance with your dates, all of you German kids!"
{Please pause the Deadmau5 song above.}
This was the song they played.
The room went silent and everyone stopped, to look at and watch our guests for this dance. Lorelei chugged her flask, bone dry.
This bode well for me, later on...
The spotlights shined down on our crowd who made our way to the middle of the dance floor. Folks began to clap, and the music made Lorelei smile. Joey began to whirl about in his flashy 80's moves, wearing his silk smoking jacket, hair piled high.
He now had a bleached-out crown of yellow hair standing up across his forehead to the back, against his gelled up black hair. Little King danced quite well.
The air became hot from the spotlights and the fever of our exuberance.
Then the German ladies took off their jackets and wraps, and put their arms up on the shoulders of their dates, under the spotlight.
And that was when we found out that German girls do not shave their underarms.
Their pits.
Hair was everywhere.
It began with a bit of whispering, and then some pointing, and ended with laughter and punches.
The German dudes were mad.
I was mad.
Joey was watching Katheena.
She was watching her date.
Ivan went after Gilbert and picked him up, and screamed, "Vy do you cause diss?!"
Gilbert crumpled, probably wet himself, but that was when the rest of the party got under way.
Dates took their German girls away from the dance floor, German boys began to swing at dudes who were laughing, and I saw Lorelei climb the stage.
Oh.
Fuck.
Lorelei pushed the DJ away and slammed the record players off the table and this caused a loud screech of feedback.
The place fell quiet as she grabbed the microphone.
This is what she bellowed out:
"Vat kind of velcomen iss dis?! How you put us new kids under zee microscope and zen point und laugh?! How Dare you?! Take a look at yourselves, you needenbroken cow-herders! Fuck You! You are zee meanest volks ever to be! Straight unto Hell for each one of you!"
Yup.
That was my first dance with a German girl who had hairy armpits.
+ + + + + +
Needless to say, this did not sit well with the teachers in attendance that night, acting as chaperones.
Thank Gawd it was the weekend.
We ran out of that place and were followed by brawlers.
God Help You.
God help Us All.
---willies out.
Two more for ya.
Asshole Pranker:
Tune to send you on your way, my friend.
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