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Sunday, April 3, 2011


This was written on 3/20/11.

This is the preamble to the tale of The Swallower. Never met one like her before.

Here’s her tune.

The sun crept up over the sill in my bedroom and blasted his light like the shriek from an electric guitar. I opened my bleary eyes and squinted. The rain was gone, at least for today. Something tugged at my shirt tails from the back of my mind but I shrugged it off. Outside the window, the world looked clean, bright, fresh. I smiled.

My mom poured coffee into a mug and she looked up at me when I came into the kitchen. “Well hey there Will, finally decided to join the land of the living?”

She set the mug down in front of me and got another one for herself out of the cabinet.

“What do ya mean?” I sat down and pulled the mug close so the steam would bring the scent of java up to my face.

“You slept the whole day through yesterday. I sent Galen in a couple times to check to see if you were still breathing. How’s your head?”

I didn’t know what she meant. I hadn’t awakened fully. “Uh, it’s cool. How’s yours?”

She came over and gently pulled the dressing away from my scalp. “It looks pretty good. You need to let the air get to it now.” She put the dressing in the garbage and washed her hands. “I’ll clean it up for you, just let me have my coffee first, K?

What the hell was this all about? I had slept a whole day away? “What is today, anyway?”

My mom smiled. “It’s Tuesday. You don’t have to go back to school until you feel up to it. I’m just glad you aren’t in the hospital like Sean and Bryan.”

It was starting to come back to me. It was not a good feeling that came along with it.

I didn’t want it all to come back just yet. I wanted to enjoy the crisp morning light, the flavor of this fresh coffee, and not think about anything else at all, just for a little while.

That would be ok, wouldn’t it?



It all came back to me.

Sean had survived a hole in his lung. He was missing his front teeth, and he looked like someone had taken a sharpie and drawn black circles on and around his eyes, and in them.

Bryan’s jaw was smashed up and he was off to prison where he would become hooked on pain meds in the infirmary there. His jaw was wired up for a while.

Tellesco’s arm was in pieces, and the titanium screws and plates would give him pain the rest of his life.

Lorelei was...

I remembered that I had enough of this Fuckno city. This place seemed to have it in for me. One thing after another it happened, and it didn’t look like it was going to end any time soon.

I had fallen for Katheena, then got kicked to the curb by her, only to find out that she was a lesbian/bisexual.

I met this German chick who opened up a whole world for me, and then she disappeared from the face of the Earth.

Now my buddies were all fucked up, and things looked pretty grim.

All I wanted to do was to go back to Maine, back where I knew everyone, and there was some good there. I was going to take my little sisters and my mom if she would come and get the fuck out of Fuckno, and never look back. Nothing good was there, and nothing good would ever come of it.

Fuck that place. Fuck it to Hell.

Now I began to find pains in the rest of my body. I was stiff from the crash, and bruised here and there. It hurt to breathe from my cracked ribs, and my head was pounding.

I would have to go to work the next day, and then school after that. It was a limitless stagger down a stony path to hell.

I wanted no more of it.


Sean looked up when I came into his room and he immediately put his hand up over his mouf. “Hey there Willie Boy. How are you doing?”

I smiled although I didn’t feel like it. “Eh. Achy. How’s your lung doing?”

He pointed at the tube running out of his chest to a bottle under the bed. “At leash I ain’t draining out blood anymore. Sho thash a good thing. Howsh your bamily?”

“They’re cool. But I got fired this morning. It’s just as well. Hated that job anyway.”

“Yeah, no doubt. Bucking shhit hole. Hey, do me a babor and grab that remote, would ya? I can’t get out ob bed. Dude, I habta shhit in a briggin’ bed pan. Buuuuuck.”


Bryan was bleary eyed. He could only nod his head, or shake it lazily. His face was bloated, and he had no desire to try to make any sound at all.

“Byran, I just want to tell you I’m sorry for talking you into getting in that Jeep.” He shook his head slowly, and he wagged his finger side to side. “I know, but still, you didn’t want to go figgin, and imagine if something worse had happened to one of us.”

Bryan shrugged his shoulders. He meant, “shoulda, coulda, woulda.” That means you can spend a whole lifetime wondering if you could have done something better, and then you miss the rest of your lifetime, spent in regret.

But I would always regret talking him into going figgin, and this was supposed to have been his send off party before he went to jail.

I told Bryan I would be there when it was time for him to do his time. Katheena and Joey would be there too. Bryan was doing time for all of us, if you recall. Friggin Bryan.


Tellesco was not in the hostible.

He was probably not at home either, you know.


I rode my ten speed from the hostible to go check out a movie at Manchester Cinemas up in Clovis. I needed to escape from Fuckno, and a short, mental vacation would help.

I felt no guilt at all. Fuck Fuckno.

On the way, I saw a banner hanging from the front of this new place that had been built from the ground up all during the autumn time. The banner read, “Now Hiring!”

How serendipitous.

Get fired from a shit hole, find a new job to fund escape from Shit Land?


I pulled in, locked up my bike and went inside to get a job application. After being fired that morning, it hadn’t occurred to me to start looking for a new job that same day. I figured that I’d visit my injured buds and then hit a movie theater.

Evidently it was a gourmet burger joint. Never heard of such a thing. They had a butcher shop, a bake shop, an ice cream stand, a mile-long toppings bar, a large electric kettle for melted cheese sauce, and a brass/walnut wood bar.

They were hiring for all worker positions, but would be trucking in their managers from training.

Fine by me. I’d be happy pearl diving.

They told us that they’d be in touch with each and every one of us to tell us if we were up for the next step or not. That would be the interview process.

If we passed the interview stage, then we would be paid for in-store training.

And then, to be hired, we would be on probation for two weeks, paid, but option to not hire.

Seemed like a lot of effort, but do you know, it paid off for them. They ended up with a solid work crew and became the set standard for such an unheard-of place in Califuckyourfacein.

You know that I would be hired, for I wouldn’t have wasted your time with this part otherwise.

But there was a barmaid who got hired, and even though it was too soon to be come romantically involved with a chick at this point due to Lorelei and all, it was never too soon for some really good head.


Biggest Moon evah! Well, for a couple decades at least. Moon at Perigee on March 19, 2011.

I think that guy above did the Honey Badger video.

In case of Revolution, ...

Facts about the Aftermath of Japan's tragedy.

This is for those who enjoy partaking. Slightly NSFW.

Funny pics.

Cool pics. One trip one pic.

Cool SteamPunk timepieces. I know, I know, Steam Punk is elitist because it involves money, intelligence, and creative ability. Rich bastards.

Antidote: Interesting facts about American candy. Nice.

Swearing baby.

Explore CraZy pics of the Intartubes.

Antidote: New type of petroleum powered engine. From our current 15% fuel effectiveness to 60%. Damn fine.

God Help You.

God Help Us All.

---willies out

OK, one more for ya.

James' Face. Hopefully you don’t have a friend who grabs your facebooks pics, ‘Shops them, then uploads them back into your facebook page. Here’s James’ face. Check out James' comments below each ‘Shop. Kinda pissed.


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