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Sunday, July 31, 2011


I put the following tune into the intartubes 20 days ago for this part of the tale.


You can attempt to escape a bad situation, one wrought with personal danger, or from explosive doom for those in the immediate vicinity, or even from your situation, whatever that may hold for you.

But you can’t escape from yourself.

Mental vacations such as this here do not apply.


I needed to escape Fuckno with my little sisters, and my mom, if she would come along. We would bail on that huge desert city and head back to our Rez: our birthplace and our homeland.

There, everything would be made right. Our river, which is named after us, would cleanse the sins of the past.

As I amassed money for our travel and our relocation, I would partake of sin just one more time.

After that, everything would change. It would change in a big way.

It would all be good, wouldn’t it?


Stacy drove a white Celica made out of plastic on the bumpers, and her engine was meant for high RPMs. Some ladies are built for speed, and some are built for pleasure. Occasionally, they are built for both. Lucky for you if you happen to encounter one of these magnificent creations.

Or not.

Yes, I was a cheap bastard, sitting down to dine in our place of employment for a free meal as our first date.

One could compile a month’s worth of weekly free meals at Fucky Chucky’s to use in a single meal, but a month’s worth was the maximum. I had compiled only two week’s worth before our date, simply because I quite like the food there.

Everyone did.

But that was enough to show her an excellent time there. I would have to spend only a few bucks out of my pocket for the movie at East Cinemas afterwards, and then we would have dessert. It was a local joke to call that place Enemas, due to the steady run of Hollywood B-films that they always showed.

We didn’t even make it there. Here we go.


“Those prime rib patties look lovely Stacy. No buns?”

“They are very tasty Will. I don’t have anything to do with the buns. Want a taste?”

They were indeed quite tender, yet a bit spongy. “Uh, why didn’t you get the buns too?”

“You should know, Will, that I stay away from them. I’m trying to keep my shape. Someday, someone should write a book about carbs.”

I got my engine blown that night, and perhaps it was due to my rocket ship’s carburetor, which had no governor. Stacey’s engine ran with them new-fangled fuel injectors, and she had a wider margin for error than I did, in driving fast and hard.

My own meal was comprised of Black Angus beef, simply because Kobi beef hadn’t been invented at that time. I would have ordered that if it had been possible.

The Japanese cattlemen feed those cows the best of organic hay and grass; they allow these beasts to grow up to slaughter-weight without any stress at all, and they hand massage the muscles of them beasts daily to ensure proper muscle growth.

Kobi should be tasted at least once in your life. I’d come hunt you down if you were to pour steak sauce upon your plate. Salt and pepper my friend: that is all you need for a good cut and a proper cooking method for any high quality beef. Butter and perhaps that horseradish stuff is allowable, but damn, dude, why the fuck do that?


She wiped her mouth with her cloth napkin after each bite. That always got to me, every time a lady did that. Some chicks just maw and juices everywhere and some scrape their teeth on the fork with their lips wide open so as to not ruin their lipstick.

Then there are those simply forgo worries about make-up during the meal and go for it, but they are not pigs. They wipe away facial juices and that is enough for the next taste, when they are in public.

At home? Put on the rubber apron and gloves, and have at it.


Here are some good ways to enjoy your summer, before we start shoveling snow again.

Hopefully, the weather will be good.

Some opt for the tourist thing, others opt for the beach thing. It depends on your desires, having kids along, and the desire to do no work at all when you escape. Here’s the Californication thing.

Here’s a nice booty shot, for those of you men who pretend to be looking at the waves behind your shades on the beach. God help you.

Here are places that look different depending on the weather. WARNING: SNOW.

Now don’t anyone get sick before traveling. Being ill on a vacation would suck.

In another direction, willies’ style.

Jeffery Dahmer’s effect lives on. The kid who escaped him, naked and confused in the streets, has been homeless all these years, and then he… well, check it out.

Another winner, Kevin Chang, voted “most Likely To Kill Everyone.”

Now, you will see how the Internets will kill you. Or, at least, why you should practice private browsing. Or you should simply be a lamb for the slaughter?

Now, tomorrow, the excellent TDC forum member smcasey will be interviewing another subject, with her sharp wit and instinctive intuition. Chick is wicked smart. Don’t piss her off in the forums, matey.

God Help You.

God Help Us All.

---willies out.

OK, One more for ya. The safest place to view pron in the whole internets. Cranberry Zero’s I Heart Chaos version of NSFW.

Amen, CBZ


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