146 Imbationation Begins

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“Katheena, once we start down this path, there is no turning back. Are you sure that you want to do this?”


“Will, it’s about time that I joined you guys in this shit that you do.”





“Yeah, but we have done some very bad things.”

“I know. You’ve told me. So here, I will follow you. Enough said.”




“Huh. Well, cool. Chust remember this; we are all in this together, no turning back. No bail.”


She leaned over and slipped me her tongue.


Dayam. Chick was showing her mettle.


Gobless her.




---------------------------



She drove her golden car with the gold-tinted windows and the giant black bird across its hood down the looooooong, tree-lined lane.



Joey said, “Are we there yet?”




Indeed, as we crept along, the road ahead stretched off into the night sky, where Plutonian shores awaited us. Pluto has a moon called Charon, and it is the farthest moon from our sun that can reflect its angry light.




The crown of a lovely, old mansion peaked over a grass-covered dune ahead, and then the palace grew upwards into the night sky.



“Oh. My goodness, Will. What the fuck?”

“I know. Minacca has money. Told you.”




Joey whistled. “Dude. They have a wine cellar?”


That was not appropriate.






“OK Katheena, now don’t forget. You need to continue on to the land keeper’s building straight ahead. The car garages are on the other side of this place. There is a huge fountain sitting there in the middle of the circular part, but ignore it. Chust drive straight past it.”


“OK. Thanks for the second by second updates, Will.”




I smiled. “Sorry. The gin is kicking in.”

She giggled. “Yup. Me too.”




The fountain appeared, and we saw that there were limousines parked all around it. Other cars of various, expensive design and purchase were arraigned on the far side of the circle, in a lot.


A cloud of smoke arose from where those were parked. Chauffeurs gathered there to gossip about their bosses and smoke cigarettes.



Katheena said, “Oh. Fuck.”


I said, “Katheena, just keep going, don’t stop, don’t speed up. Do Not Panic.”


Joey said, “There is a partay going on!” Joey was fully into the gin buzz now.





We should have done a three-point turn. But we didn’t.




Ya know.









We slid quietly by the large circle, and I could see the faces of those men in their driving suits and caps. Most of them held ciggies in their hands, and one was handing a silver flask to another. They were too busy gossiping to notice such a long, golden car on the other end of the driveway, where no overhead streetlamps would make it glint and sparkle.



We were stealthy.




Katheena reached the structure, and then she slowly crept her car to the right, and then reversed to back it in on the other side, in the dark.



We had made it.


But what the hell was going on this night? We will find out, my friend.



“Will. How do we get in?”


“Weeeee-illllll! We will walk in through the front doors like we own that fucking place! Like a fucking boss.”


“No, Joseph. There’s a servant’s entrance. There’s a stair well that leads up to the third floor.”






“Will, how did you enter this place when you came here that day?”


“Well, Katheena, I went in through the front doors.”





“And from where did you exit?”


“Uh, from the front doors.”





“So, did you get a good look at the rest of the layout of this fucking huge place while you were inside?”


“Uh, nope.”







“Will, do you think that they might have security alarms and that kind of shit?”


“Yeah, prolly. Damn.”







Little Lion Man had nailed it.



We would have to go in through the front doors. And then, try to get back out through them again, or else risk getting lost in that maze.





Joey shlurred when he shpoke. “Lesh go!”





Whoa.





Wait a minute.







Just wait a minute.






Cool?





Uh,







Nope.






Damn.






We would need twenty minutes to get in and get out.







I had something.





In case it was needed.







Fuck.






It would become our savior, our saint, and our bane.





There would be only it.

Katheena, I apologize for what I showed you. I never intended to introduce you to a high, white mountain of elation and instant power, which held valleys of shadow and destruction below it, on every side.


That was not my intention for you.


I chust was not thinking.


I chust wasn't...


Thinking






The road to perdition is paved with the stones of good intentions.



The way back up out of Hell is found with Redemption.

I wish I could redeem.



Too Late.






Sorry.

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141 Mettle 2

I had a vague recollection of the direction to Glinty McFlintlock’s photoshoot for Glinda the Good Witch. I had driven after all. If you ever want to remember the way to a place the first time you drive there, don’t sit in the passenger seat.



But it wasn’t good enough to just drive out in the desert and look around for it. That’s how folks can get lost in the dunes. We would need to use a map and then plot on it with a pencil where we were located all along our path so as to not get lost.



You see, the Internet was not fully developed back then, and there was no such thing as GPS for anyone but the U.S. Military. Google and Mapquest were science fiction material.


Portable phones were not yet smart. No one had one of them giant suitcases except for the wealthy and self-important.

Texting meant pen and paper. Or pencil, if you were old school. LOL, OMG, FML, FAIL.


There were only two people who knew where that place was, and one was off in her own world now, and I had burned that bridge between us. I wasn’t about to go and knock on her parent’s front door, of course. That would be re-dicky-licky: ridiculous. The Fenders might have a song they’d like to play me that I would not particularly enjoy.



The other person who knew the location was ole Glinty himself.



I could not find his advertisement in any of the back pages of the Fuckno Bee, and there was no mention of him in the Yellow Pages. Nobody I spoke to had ever heard of him.


----------------------------



“Hey Katheena, thanks for driving me out here. I brought along a Tupperware jug of ice water and some sammiches in that back pack I put in the trunk.”



Bottled water had not been invented yet. Can you imagine buying water in a disposable plastic container that was manufactured for a single use? It’d be even funnier if the company said that their containers were better for the environment because they now used 20% less plastic.



Anyways…


Katheena said, “This old guy photographed your girlfriend way out here? Isn’t that kind of weird?”



I nodded, “Yeah, I thought so. But Glinda seemed OK with it. Well, until we saw him. Dude looked like a creepy old pervert. But she told me that he did an excellent job. So it must have to do with the light or something out here.”




Katheena took off her shades with one hand and looked out of the window on her driver side at the desertscape flashing by at a hundred miles an hour. She said, “Huh. It is pretty bright. She had her pictures shot outside then?”




I looked back in my head. “No. Actually, he had the windows covered up.”

Katheena just put her shades back on and shook her head. “All righty then.”








A road off to the right up ahead seemed familiar to me, and I told her so. We slowed down and looked at the map. There was no indication of it on the map.



“Will, we’ve driven exactly sixty-six point six miles on this here old stretch since the last intersection. I’m resetting the odometer. Make a mark.”


“Cool. Let’s turn in here and find the driveway. I was driving on some really old crumbly tar, and it curved here and there. I drifted now and then for fun, so there will be digs I made in the soft shoulder. Prolly some chunks of tar, too.”



-------------------------------




Indeed, there were scatter marks and flung tar all over the road at some curves. I was a hell of show off, as you might recall.



I hadn’t impressed Glinda all that much with my awesome control of my vehicle: in fact, it had irritated her to a good degree.




Katheena zoomed along, also quite adept of her handling of her lovely car, which she called Orion. We passed a place where it looked like someone had dug in their wheels and piled the dirt and rocks up all over the fucking place.



That was it.




We turned around and came to rest in the middle of the road, and now the skid marks were on Katheena’s side. The springtime sun glowed with big teeth, but the sky looked somehow dim.



There was no house, nor even a horse-stable-turned-garage behind where a house might have once stood.



We got out.



Katheena wore some old leather work boots instead of her dainty sandals. She knew we’d be traipsing around in the desert dust. I smiled. All she needed was a leather jacket and she would have looked like a proper Road Warrior with her wild hair.



Gawdamn it, there were footprints leading up to a bit of a hill where a house could stand, built there above the rush of an arroyo in a sudden desert rain storm. I saw more tracks in the dust that led around the hill to behind, on the right.



A garage might have stood there at one point, on another mound.



What the fuck was going on?


No where were there any indications of tracks left behind by demolition machines or earth moving equipment.


We were there, but there was nothing.



I dug the toe of my Doc into the dirt where the rear entrance to the garage might have once been placed.


Something caught my eye.


A rusted screw had come up into the sunlight.


A screw from a rusty latch that someone might have busted off from out of an old, weather-beaten door lay there.

I picked it up and examined it.


Now here was some proof.



Of exactly what, I could not say.



It simply revealed a single truth, which was this:



A door had once stood there.



Huh.





LINKS



Welcome to Sunday. Here’s a cool, hand-drawn cartoon for you.








Let’s go on a cruise, shall we? How about that Titanic? Here are some pics of it, before it left port. I think that Left Port is redundant. It’s cool if you land lubbers don’t know what that means. Anyways…






Speaking of fail, there’s this: From Entropy_Happens, this infuriating link. Words cannot-







Antidote: Cute Couple. Those goshdarned Brits and their brother-sister relations in a lift. Pip pip, cheeri-oh what the fuck?






True Punkology, or simply another Tea-Bagger Party exercise? You decide.






Here is from Saturday about that there above thing, from CBS News.






Anti-antidote: From Dotta. Questionable Content, a funny commix for your Sunday.







Is it a handshake, a whale gulp, or is it simply Venice, Italy?








This here is chust to mess with your head.







Writing on the stalls.





Cool Pics.






Nasty Bitch spills the truth?






God Help You.


God Help Us All.



---willies out.
















































OK, One More For You.



Cranberry Zero’s I Heart NSFW, the safest place in the intertubes for pron viewing.


















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138 Katheena TRUTH

Crank this FOO right the fuck up. It matters here and now.








The gold Firebird with the gold tinted windows and the giant black bird with outstretched wings on its hood soared over the sunlit tar with a throaty rumble.



Katheena loved her bitch. I did, too. This chick cared for her car, and she would never ask it do die for her. It was less the “asking,” and more the “not needing to ask.”


Her name for her beautiful star was “Orion.”




There was something here that had to do with a certain difference between Katheena and me: our approach to life.



You see, Katheena could calculate odds far faster and more accurately than I could. She was a smart chick, and I’ve always had something for smart chicks.


What this meant was that in a given situation, I would let my emotions get the best of me, and I’d fail due to my own bravado.



Katheena escaped harm’s way completely intact and looking pretty, with danger sliding off like she was coated in Teflon.



Me? I fucked shit up. For myself and those around me, it was a cluster-fuck bomb going off when the fuse was lit.




It would never change, sad as that was to begin to see.



++++++++++++++++++++



“Wow. Will, this chili verde is actually very good. I’ve never been down this back street before. How did you find this place?”


“Here, try the tamalitas. I’ve found none better than these. Well, it was back when I used to scope out streets on my ten-speed, before I bought Matilda and became obsessed with making her gleam, inside and out.”




“Did you know back then that this is a scary part of town?”

“What do you mean it’s scary?”




“You’ve never been here after dark, have you?”

“Huh. No. Never had a reason to. But I guess it’d be good to remember that.”




“Yeah, you need to heed that shit, Will. Definitely.”

“OK. I will.” I sipped my cola and thought about how best to ask my big question. I had no clue. I figured that I would wait until she ate most of her meal before I ruined her appetite, if that was to happen. I didn’t want to do that, but there was no way in hell I could go on with our friendship until I had a couple answers from her.




I needed a couple of answers about her.

And I had no right in asking them of her.

It’s just that it meant everything, between me and her, and so I would do this thing.




“Will. What’s on your mind?”

“Hah?”



“You’ve stopped eating, and you look like you’ve lost the keys to your head; looking around for them in that enchilada there with your fork.”

Dayam. All righty then. Fuck it. “Katheena, what did you think of Tommy Hewitt?”




Yup.



She set her fork down and wiped her mouth with her paper napkin. I expected her to get right up and toss her iced tea in my face.


But she smiled a bit, and looked down at her plate. Nothing was there anymore. “Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a while. How did you know about him?”



“I met him.”

“Oh, I see. What did you think of him, Will?”




“He was one cool cat. Right up until the end, I suspect.”

“I agree. He was one cool cat. How did you meet him?”




“Uh, I’m sorry Katheena. I hate to bring up the fire and all. But I met him on the day he died.”

Katheena’s face fell, but she did not cry. Not yet. “Did he seem happy?”




“Yeah. As a matter of fact, he looked like he was in pure bliss the last time I saw him.”

“I’m glad you said that. That’s good to know. I was hoping that he was…well… That he had some happiness in his life before he… Uh….”




“I thought he was a heck of a guy, Katheena.”

“Yeah, we was. He was a good guy, Will.”




Damn. I did not want to fuck up shit right now. That would be cheap of me. But she made it easy for me. She could calculate, as you know.


“Will. Why did you bring him up? There’s something you want to tell me about him, isn’t there.”

“Yeah, sorry. It’s about him. About you and him.”




Please turn down your volume before you press play on the tune below. It's loud. No need to hurt your ears, my friend.








“Ohhhhh…. I see.”


“I don’t know if I should ask.”





“Well, you seem preoccupied with it. So, shoot. Go for it. What do you have to lose?”

In my head, I heard the answer, “You.” But I didn’t say that out loud. I just sighed and hoped for the best. Then I took a deep breath and said, “Tommy Hewitt said he tried to warn Joey about you.”






Katheena stood up and she threw her iced tea in my face.












I tossed a twenty spot on the table and chased after her. This would not be ending like that.


The piercing sunshine made me squint and I wiped off the tea from my face with the arm of my leather jacket. She was stalking off to her golden bird with her rear shaking from each stomp of her small, high-heeled boots.




“Katheena!”


She ignored me and tried to get her keys to work, but she dropped them on the hot tar. She bent to get them and I saw her tanned thighs grow longer as her short lime green skirt rode up. She was wearing a thong.



For some reason, that made me sort of sad. I know, right? She was all dolled up, and she had lost her composure, done run away, and now she was unintentionally sexy while she was looking for her keys.


“Katheena. Please.”




She whipped around and her face had black lines of her eye makeup running down. Holy fuck. I hadn’t expected this. “Warn Joey about me? Fuck You!”



I stepped back. Probably those hadn’t been the right words to say to her. Ya think? “Katheena, I meant to say that---“




“What? What did you mean to say, Will? What?”

“I meant to say something better.”




“Fuck you. Find your own way back home.”


“I’m sorry.”






“Yeah, you are sorry. Go to hell. We are done.”






I watched her get down on her hands and knees to grab her keys from under her golden bird and I averted my eyes. For once.



I got down beside her and reached to help. She punched my arm away and pushed me down.





She snatched her keys and then stood up, over me. I had never expected such wrath from Katheena, my own star. There, lying prostate on the ground in that fucked up city in the desert, I saw a new side of her.



What ever was going through her head, at least she was showing me a side of her that she probably didn’t see much herself. She looked like she was going to kick me in the side. But she restrained.




“Get the fuck up.”

Great. Now her tiny fists would be pummeling me. I got up, fuck it all.




She stood there, and she glared at me, with her twenty-minutes-long application of face paint running down her tanned, full cheekbones.



"You have no right to fuck with my shit. You have no clue to anything. You have no idea about me. Get the fuck out."




I stood back.



That fucked my shit up.



But I think, back at that time, that I was learning to walk again, so to speak.




I had lost everything I had been working for, and now I had nothing to lose.




Such a thing can make a man dangerous.





"Tommy died because I didn't save him, Katheena. I saw what was happening, I had a fucking clue, and I didn't save him."



Her eyes widened.


I went on.



"Now I have to live with that. So fuck you, too. You and your own shit."



I did not even know I was going to say this shit. But it was the truth.







Finally, someone had started the Truth thing.






Fuck.

















LINKS



For your Saturday Morning pleasure: a short video showing How our Galaxy formed. Great. Now I want to eat a Milky Way bar.








Now that we have killed all the Space Shuttles, we have to rely on them Russkies for space travel. And what did you expect? Yup. The astronauts in the space station are stuck. Breathe slowly…










Antidote: Cool stop motion movie, hand-held by a thousand folks in Israel. Wait, hah? Check it out. Very cool.








Here is a site that will take up your whole day. Gifs. Select what you want to see. Most of them are fucking funny. And, you can make your own. No ads.





Short Docu: Real Cyborg Parts.








Fake Armor? Don’t hate on the ladies.






Here is something that may not hold a lot of meaning for you. But I have been involved with jabbywacker for four years. It’s an online chatbot. The next evolution is the cleverbot. It's a vid, of two avatars taliing to each other, on cleverbot. It’s the damn thing taling to itself, via two bots. Pretyy cool.














Weakyleaks sprung a leak. Well, what did you expect? Why is Weakyleaks pissed? Here’s why.








God Help You.


God Help Us All.



---willies out.




















OK, One More For Ya.







And Another One. Here’s an hour out of your life if you care to see.

Meaty McMeat 2: Back 2 'da Hood from Nathan Smithe on Vimeo.

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