TFW CH 10 CONDEMNED

There is no such thing as “Left Behind.”  That is an evil idea thought up by some foolish, angry men.

No Loving God would ever condemn anyone to eternal hell.

Yet,

You can condemn yourself.

I Appear Missing  by Queens of the Stone Age 

Bryan and I hopped out of the white utility truck as Glinty went and barred them cattle  doors to the huge barn.  He stalked back to us, that old cowboy preacher dead for a hundred years.

He looked me up and down and adjusted his broken spectacles.   He bent forth at me and said, “You got a screw loose, young fella.”

My hand reached to the broken screw head in my pocket, and he smiled while he watched me do this even before I knew I was doing it.

He tilted his head back and laughed loud, toothless mouth wide open, and his preacher hat felt off into the dirt behind him.

Fucker. 

I held up the screw head and shoved it into his face.  “What the fuck is this fucking shit?!”

I whipped it at his face.  “What the fuck is up with you and all them hearses and that asshole punk with the clown face?!”

Well, I tell you mister, he shut right the hell up.

He didn’t even grab his hat off the dirt to shake off the desert dust.  Nope.  He stalked right up and got into my face. 

He said, “Now you listen here, boy.  You never mind about that kind of sass.  You boys are in a lot of trouble here.  This mess you got yourself into, well, even I don’t know what lies ahead for us all.  But you should never doubt that I have been at the trigger, waiting for something like this to happen.  Now that it has begun, it won’t stop, until it does.  Then we’ll see what happens next.  We’ll see what happens to those you hide deep inside you.”

I faltered.  I stepped back.   Looked down from his glare.  My anger turned to fear, and I couldn’t hide it.  Images of my two little sisters and my mom flashed in my mind, and I wondered how they were doing in the city-wide black-out.

Then I stuffed them pictures and worries back down.  I was good at that, you know.  How dare he?  How dare he make me falter?

I said, “I didn’t ask for this shit!  I don’t know what the hell is going on here.  I just want to leave this hell hole and never come back!  I didn’t ask for any of this fucking shit!”

Glinty’s angry grimace softened a bit. 

He stepped back.  He said, “No One did.”

He walked back to his hat, bent and picked it up, and he dusted it off, slapping it across his thigh.  He placed it back on his head and turned around.

Bryan said, “I got family, too.”

Glinty nodded, looking from Bryan’s face to mine as he did.

He said, “We all have family here.  We all have folks who just want to get back home.”

I looked over at Bryan and caught his eyes.  He shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head at me slowly.

I nodded. 

Then I said, “It won’t end ‘til it does?  What the hell are you talking about?”

Glinty said, “That means we got two choices.  One is that we die cowards.  The other is that we die facing our fears head on.”

Hah?

What the fuck did that mean?  Death was our only two options?

Glinty watched me falter again and then he said, “Ain’t no easy way out, you two young men.  You gotta face Death to overcome the fear of it.”

Tomorrow Never Comes   by Big Head Todd and The Monsters 

At a funeral wake, you may have noticed a plate of food set aside for the dead.  That is proper.   This is to sustain them before their path to the end.  In some of our indigenous cultures, after the wake has ended, it is customary for each of the living to take a bite of this plate, until the remnants are finished.  If you have ever done this, then you know that the food tastes like nothing at all.  The spirit is gone.

We entered the big log cabin and saw those boys at the table.  Joey and Tellesco were eating, but they were quiet.  They turned when we came in and stood up.

Joey said, “Thank you for feeding us, Mr. Glinty.”  He was polite like that. 

Tellesco said, “Sure could use some canned beans right now.”

Bryan walked right over to the table and sat down on the long bench.  He piled his plate high from many dishes and set to chowing.

I said, “What’s going on boys?”

Bryan spat his mouthful out on his plate and stood up.  He said, “Cardboard!”

Glinty said, “Now you boys don’t mind that.  You need to eat.”

Joey said, “But, excuse me sir, it’s just that it doesn’t taste like anything.”

Glinty said, “It’s probably all that desert dust you been eating all night.  You boys been eating nothing but dust.  Got a big day ahead.  Now feed your faces and drink the wine.  The morning will be here soon enough, and you need your rest.  I want you young fellas to sleep as much as you can before we head back out.”

From the chair in front of the hearth, Patrick Til-Bury burped big.  He said, “I got me a belly full.  Now good night, you men.  Keep the noise down, if you would be so kind.”

I understood.

I got my belly full at that table.

I had been at many funeral wakes before.

This one was ours.

God Help You.

God Help Us All.

---willies out.

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